[spacer size="20"] Sexuality is at the very core of our identity. That is one reason that those who struggle with addiction to sex or sexual behavior can end up so frustrated, so lost and alone.
While those who find themselves in the middle of an addiction will find it helpful to admit the truth of their situation, one thing that is NOT true is that they are addicts. They are capable and competent people who have become addicted. They will always be beings of light and of great worth. They won't always have an addiction. It's a struggle, not who they are. They can and will change. Remember, there is always hope. Help them to lay hold on it!
In these days addictions are better understood than ever before. We have great ability to see within the human gene and into the brain and that capacity is growing all the time. To some, sexual addiction is not real. It's more of a matter of weak will, a compulsion at most, but not an addiction. However this may seem on the surface, sexual "addicts" know they're trapped. Thousands of personal promises have gone broken and their self-confidence has taken quite the attack.
Unfortunately, lowered self-esteem is not the only casualty in this war of mind and body. Beliefs give us our window to the world. Our views, attitudes and perception color the way we see our world. On their journey those with sexual addictions have adopted many false and damaging views. Any solid recovery program will typically have as one of their aims the identification and reworking of many core beliefs.
Here are a few beliefs that can threaten to block one from true and full recovery:
1. "I'm all alone." This is completely false! Many people know what you're going through and there are also many people that are eager to assist you in your recovery. As you look for these people you will find them.
2. "I'm don't have a problem." Chances are, if you're reading this, you have begun to see that there's a problem. What you need to do is ask yourself, "Am I really happy? Do I feel that I am getting the most out life?" By evaluating your behavior in the context of your life goals you will see your situation in a new light.
3. "I'm not harming anybody." This is NEVER true. If you engaged in your behavior alone you build up walls that threaten your connection with real people. If you act out your behavior with others then most likely you are very realistically jeopardizing others' health. At the very least you are threatening the potential each of us has to experience full and powerful relationships with others. Those who focus on sexual relations miss this potential altogether. As humans we need each other.
If you have had any of these thoughts recently, please take a moment to comment and share with others how you feel. Opening up to others is therapeutic. It's not the only step, but it is a good one.